For such a time as this

This year is quickly coming to a close and is bringing with it exciting changes! In January I will be attending the University of the Nations, School of Illustration!! I have officially recieved my acceptance letter which makes it all the more real. I have been holding my breath waiting for the news. No more waiting though! My last day at work will be Dec 31st. Yikes!!! I have mixed emotions, excitement being the most prominant one, but there is also a bit of apprehension mixed in as well. Just a hint. New experiences always have a bit of that. But I have the distinct feeling I am walking into destiny.
I don't know why it is now, after four years of waiting and wishing and hoping. But it is finally time. In 2007 when we first moved to Hawaii I attended the World of Dance seminar at the UofN. It was 5 weeks of intense dance training. Along with that though was the question, what are you called to. Whatever it is do it and do it with all your heart. I knew distinctly that I am made to be an artist. I live to create and to express through every medium possible. I have been struggling to understand what that means for me and how I fit into a society (or more likely my own expectations) of security and longevity, responsibility. I have come to the understanding that it is essential for me to live outside the boundaries of convention. To explore uncharted territory and make life up as I go. I have the opportunity to impact the world through creativity and I intend to use every way possible to do that. This will be one of my biggest steps so far in making sure that happens.
Lately, I have been going through a few different passion assessments with my church leadership. What really stands out to me is something I have realized before and am recognizing again... your dreams, your destiny, your passions, they never die. They just get covered up sometimes by circumstance or expectations or reality as most people call it. I believe that each of us is born with something that just keeps coming back to us, that we always wanted to do, or be. Aaron always wanted to be a helicopter pilot, but he reasoned it away for years thinking it was too big of a dream. I always wanted to be an artist but tried to fall in love with something else more practical. We probably all have something like this. The key is to have the faith to take the step, make the changes and start living your dream.

Your heart has know the truth from inception

It echos through your soul

Courses through your veins

Lives in your dreams

Destiny awaits you.

Stop. Listen.

Breathe

Ahhhh….

I feel like I can breathe again. The last 2 months have been so intense that I didn’t know if I would ever relax again. My valiant efforts of obtaining peace in the midst of the storm were still severely lacking. I feel like I haven’t seen or talked to anyone in months-unless you were unlucky enough to be in my path. ;) I could hardly even update my facebook status!

But now, our house is done. At least all the major things. I can sit on my sofa and gaze at our handiwork. There are no ugly holes, edges, unfinished anything glaring back at me. I can use the kitchen sink for dishes and the bathroom sink for brushing my teeth instead of vise versa. I can open the fridge instead of a cooler. (granted the cooler was only for 24hrs...but still!)

Our condo is now on the market so spotlessness is mandatory and I welcome it.

With a million other things crowding my mind, I am so relived that this is no longer one of them.

Ahhhhh.....

Be still

My life has been hectic these past few weeks. My husband has been bed ridden, my one and only bathroom has been gutted (no shower, then no toilet, and no sink the whole time) and there are 5 adults living in a 2 bedroom condo.

I have been overwhelmed trying to take care of everything, keep the house in some level of livability, have food to eat, help my hubby, and work full time. I have tried over and over to remind myself that there are many people who live in a similar amount of chaos at all times (take my sister raising 5 children and her hubby working full time) I guess they build up an immunity towards the hectic-ness. I think that I generally do pretty well living in disorder- You can see what I have been living in for the last 6 months by looking at my design blog.http://becomingdesign.blogspot.com/

I guess I rely on the physical and emotional strength of my husband quite a bit, having him out of commission throws off my equilibrium. I am one half trying to make a whole.

Anyway all that to say that I have been pent up, stressed out, and scowling for a few days now. Yesterday was one of those days where everything brought tears to my eyes. But then I was reminded of where I find my strength. It isn’t by trying to juggle it all and keep moving non-stop, put your head down and plow through…it is in the stillness. It is taking the time, even just a couple minutes, to sit and center your thoughts. It is resting in peace knowing that we can’t see everything, we may not understand why, but God does, and He is bigger and better than everything we can imagine.

This process almost always requires a breaking. I was trying to do the right thing the whole time, trust God, be at peace, live in the moment, but I wasn’t succeeding. Hence the breaking, you get so pent up or worn out that you don’t have a choice but to collapse and take a breath and realize you are doing it all wrong.

In general I don’t like routine but there are some things that are important to me like having my Spark (energy drink) every morning. That is a crucial routine. There are a few others that I didn’t realize were so important though: A relaxing shower where I can sing or pray and readjust my thoughts, listening to music in the AM, and speaking out-loud good things about my life. These are the things that I have been lacking that help me keep my balance, retain my focus and remember how good life really is. These are the things that I am going to try not to forget. I am going to take the time to be still and Know that He is God.

Inspired

I should really be going to bed right now, but instead my mind is racing with possibilities. What possibilities I'm not exactly sure, they are lurking just below the realm of definite thought. My tummy is tingling with anticipation, my fingers are itching with unspent energy and I am sitting here relishing the moment. Once I feel the spurt of inspiration there is no stopping it. I think and I dream and I just have to get it out somehow. Sometimes it is to the not so awake ear of my hubby as he is trying to fall asleep at night. Sometimes it is through a fury of flying paint as I attack my canvas with passion. Sometimes it is the aimless wandering of my pen across the paper, swirly and twirly and fun. Sometimes it is furiously writing my ideas before the escape back into unconsciousness, or writing a memo to myself to remember my AHA. No matter what it is glorious and fun. It is venturing into the unknown, the unread, unseen, unthought. It is hope. It is joy. It is destiny. It is the possibility of a new tomorrow.

It is Release.

It is a Dream.

It is Passion.

It is Romance.

It is a Journey.

It is a Destination.

It is Expression.

It is Divine.
It is Inspiration.

Eat, Pray, Love

I just watched Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts (I love her) She travels to Italy to eat, India to meditate and Bali to Love. She is on a quest to find herself after realizing she has lived her life fitting in through her relationships. Naturally it got me thinking about Life & Love. (and Spaghetti )
I think a lot of people, maybe everyone at some point, live their lives trying to do it right. The right marriage, the right career, the right car, house, talent etc...We should all stop and spend some time looking at ourselves and see what is right for me?
I wondered for a second, what does this mean for me. Do I have to go off on my own and find myself? I have "always" been in a relationship (married at 18) Because of that my searching and growing has always been in perspective of another person. I never went through an independant, live on my own, stage. I went straight from my parents house to my married house (apartment). For a little while I thought that was a bad thing, I thought I missed out or that to be a strong woman meant I should be an independant one. Don't worry that though didn't last long cuz I realized- that is part of what makes me, me. I love to be close to the people I love. I don't like to be alone. A couple hours of alone time every once in a while is just fine with me. I got married young because that was what I wanted. Part of me always knew that being me meant being part of a we. (That is so cheesy I am laughing at myself) But that's part of me. It is a strength and a weakness but that's ok. I'm learning the balance.
I am blessed to be married to a man that loves me for me, and he helps me understand when I'm not quite sure I understand myself.

Every experience in life gives us the opportunity to find more of ourselves. To choose what we believe, what is important to us, and how we are going to respond. How we choose to respond is what makes us who we are today. We don't have to go anywhere for that.
(Don't get me wrong, I am so planning a trip around the world still)

Wow. I was updating my condo blog and I realized I have not written anything on this one since January! Course pretty much anything there is to say is on the condo blog because that has been pretty much the only thing happening in our life, other than Aaron working A LOT!

We did just get back from Washington where we attended the 2010 Knepper Family Reunion. That is my family on my mom's side. We had almost the whole family tree there...my Grandma & Grandpa, 2 aunts & spouses, 6 cousins, my parents, 3 siblings and spouses/girlfriend, and 9 nieces and nephews. Whew! It was a full house. We had so much fun though and when it was over I wished it wasn't. I have an amazing family that is warm, loving, accepting of everyone and loves to eat! My Grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary while we were all together and my parents had their 40th this year. What a legacy. I am so blessed to have their examples to follow-for those that don't have that, its ok- you can borrow mine ;0)

Designer for the Stars! LOL!

The other day at work this girl (lady) comes into the store that looks sooo familiar…I thought that maybe I had helped her before in the store. I was busy with a customer so Patricia my Co-worker helped her and her friend. After awhile Patricia flags me down and says –“They need someone to come to their house and help them place some things. Can you go tonight?”

I was like umm, I’m busy.

And she says “Then tomorrow morning. You can do it tomorrow morning.”

I didn’t know what to say. I haven’t gone to anyone’s home before to help do that. I wasn’t sure if it was okay or not…Nothing like putting me on the spot. And I was trying to help someone else! So I said “okay”

When she left the store I find out who she is- Leslie Mann! From Knocked Up, 40 year old Virgin, etc…LOL! No wonder she looked so familiar! Anyway, Laura (our buyer) and I ended up going to her house that night (I cancelled my plans) to help her decide which pieces she should buy and where she should put them.

We looked at all the things she wanted to get rid of, and the photos of the things she liked in the store and talked about which would look good where. We probably spent a couple hours there that night.

The next day, I got to go on the delivery to her house! We took the things we had talked about and some other things too. We spent a couple hours moving things around- trying this here, and that there. Then the rug people came too and I gave my opinion on which looked good. (I couldn’t help it) It was soooo fun! We brought lamps and some accessories and tried those out too. She has a beautiful condo that has full ocean views. We furnished all 3 bedrooms and some neat pieces in the living room too.

Leslie and her assistant Stacy are super sweet!! We had a great time working with them. Leslie is very relaxed and casual, and very open to all our ideas. She was really grateful for how helpful everyone had been at our store and others. And she loved my dress J

So after moving around all that stuff the delivery guys went home and Leslie says “There is this really cute shop at the resort. Let’s go look and get some wine!” So, of course we said yes. J

We went and browsed around and went to dinner, had some wine. It was so fun! It is easy to forget that she is famous. She asked about our lives and the lifestyle here in Hawaii and whatever. It wasn’t awkward at all, it was great. I didn’t end up getting home till like 9:30!

Doing this sort of thing is definitely one of my favorite activities. Being able to help a great person who is also a celebrity just topped it off. It was a super awesome couple days!

Happy New Year!

Yay! 2010 is here! I feel excited this time about starting a new year. This past year has been so full that I feel ready to continue on into the future, not wishing I had gotten more done the way I have felt before. 

I know for a lot of people 2009 was a really hard year. For us, it was 2008. We kinda started the recession early, with Aaron as a full time student and me in a low paying job, it was really tough. We ended 2008 not knowing what the future would hold. Aaron was finished school but had no job, and we were barely holding on.  2009 was an awesome year of faith, growth and blessings for us. But it started out a bit scary. In January we packed everything up, I quit my job and we moved back to Washington so Aaron could work at his old job until a helicopter position opened up. Most of you know the story... a couple weeks after we got to Washington, we got the call that he got the job! A few weeks later we packed up again and headed back to Hawaii. He started his job as a helicopter instructor in April. I was able to get a job pretty quickly, and it is a great one! A few months later we both got raises. Then Aaron was offered the job as Assistant Chief Pilot for the school. It took some time for the qualifications to catch up, but now he is officially the Assistant Chief with a pay upgrade! At the beginning of the year we had to move out of our apartment and in with our parents. Now we are in process of buying a condo! Last January I hated my job and wasn't doing anything I loved. Now I have started interior design training, and got to do a photo shoot!  The list goes on. 

My faith has been stretched and stretched and stretched some more the last couple years. It felt like some things were impossible and unreachable and yet here we are now, still breathing, still living and living abundantly. I'm grateful for what we have been through because I am so aware of each blessing that comes my way. We have been so blessed this year it is amazing!! 

I know that 2010 is going to be a continuation of the goodness we have experienced in 2009, and I believe that it is going to be beginning (or continuation) for everyone else as well! So happy New Year!