Where to start? Even though I have only completed 2 weeks of school I feel like I have been doing this for a month! There is a huge amount of work packed into each week. Last week was introduction to 
drawing.
drawing. We did lots of different things, but the main project for the week was looking at 10 different conflicts an artist encounters. We each picked a number out of a hat and had the assignment of illustrating the 2 conflicting topics. Mine was perfectionism vs. grace. This is definitely one of my biggest struggles. I have expectations for myself that create so much pressure that I forget to enjoy the process. One of the most significant times I noticed this was when I did a 6 week dance seminar. I wanted desperately to do a good job and become an amazing dancer, so I put so much pressure on myself that I was striving and scowling most of the time. I chose the picture of the ballerina because it illustrates that season in my life, and many other times where there is the conflict of perfectionism vs. freedom to dance.
The second drawing is of finger painting. With finger painting the goal is not to create a masterpiece. It is the process. It is getting your hands dirty and just plain having fun (notice what the paint splotches say)
After these drawings where complete we had the assignment of drawing an animal using color pencil. I have never really used color pencils outside of a coloring book, so this was a challenge. I had to learn the techniques as I went and try to apply my "fun" lesson. It took many hours before I got the "fun" stage in this one. I went from, "hmmm I think I will need to invest in a larger set of pencils"... to "I never want to use these again!" to...."I guess a few more pencils would be a good thing"....
That was all week 1! I learned so much I can't put it all down, it was a growth experience to say the least. I learned how people (like my husband) can spend 50+ hours at their jobs and still feel like there is more to do. When you are passionate about something there is no end to the work to be done!
Week 2:
Oh my gosh, let's just say I have not been so happy to reach Friday in a long time! That sounds terrible, but it was extremely challenging for me. It was so strange because it was almost all internal. We had a guest speaker whose goal for the week was to break us out of the mold that we have been conditioned into living in. That doesn't happen easily, or delicately. He was an aggressive personality, which was challenging in and of itself. I was right back to my perfectionism habit, trying to create a masterpiece out of finger painting! That is frustrating! LOL.
He had us do all kinds of things, always asking why not? Why can't an apple be blue? Why does it have to be round? How 'bout square? The first couple days I was having a major internal struggle, hating everything I was doing, comparing myself to others...never a good thing...and totally missing the point. Finally I through my hands up in the air (metaphorically) and said forget it, I'm just gonna do what I want and stop trying. (That was the point all along.) Finally I started making things that he looked at and said "That's fun!"
BINGO! By the end of the week when I looked back through my pieces I discovered there where way more things I liked than I thought. Even though the comparing was bad, I used it to drive me to a new level. I asked myself what do I like about that, how can I make mine more like that. It is so funny, because comparing usually goes two ways. As I sit there thinking I love how bold that is! They are looking at mine thinking I love how delicate that is. Iron sharpening Iron. I learned a lot about not only getting out of the box, taking risks, critical thinking, but also developing my own personal style.
After all week of breaking all the rules, our final assignment was to pick a piece and make a perfect rendering of it. I dug in my heels big time! I did NOT want to do this. I was having a hard time making pictures look good withOUT rules. How was I gonna do it with them? I again had to decide I will do the best I can and enjoy it rather than freaking out about it. (That was after 2 days of freaking out.) I finally picked something and got to work. This cup represents me being poured out, and spreading life, color and FUN! through the world. :) (Along with the "perfect" picture, we were also asked to make a graphic that compliments the object=the water.)
Apparently I am not the only one struggling with these things. One of the artists I admire wrote her blog about this very thing.
"I believe I just had to acknowledge that while self-criticism is important for developing excellent work, perfectionism can become paralyzing when it creeps in...and also that any one painting cannot represent the depth and breadth of an entire body of work. A painting is simply a moment in the course of a long journey. With these thoughts, I was able to loosen up, enjoy painting and feel my faith in the process return. "
-Rebecca Crowell
